Healthy Relationship

I went into the ministry because I wanted to help people prepare for heaven. I imagined being in my office every morning, reading and praying, writing and organizing. Every afternoon and evening, in my mind, I would go out to homes and share the Gospel with people. Every Sunday, I would lead the faithful in worship and baptize the converted. It was, and is, a wonderful calling.

I have found, however, that most of my time is spent on relationship problems. I don’t know why that surprised me; my own life is filled with scars from past hurts, and every conversation holds the potential of a new wound, either inflicted by me or on me. All of my friends, at least the ones who are honest, are also still digging through damage done by past relational problems. Every organization or program I have ever been a part of has had occasional burps and setbacks, usually due to someone being hurt or misunderstood. Why would the ministry be any different? Life itself is made up of relationships, and conflict is unavoidable on this fallen planet.

My ministry is not only helping others manage conflict. I’m sorry to say that I have caused as many conflicts as I have helped to resolve. Proverbs says that where there are many words, sin is not absent. So if I am in a communication field, sooner or later I will sin. I have been the center of conflict both with church members and with church leaders.

I often tell students there are two ways to learn something: You can read the instructions or you can make a mistake. Either way, you learn, but one of the ways is less painful. This book, then, is a collection of lessons learned in the school of life. Mostly they are lessons learned the hard way. I write them down in the hope that others will learn the same lessons, the less painful way.

May the peace of Christ be with you, gentle reader and fellow pilgrim.

Cincinnati , OH

September 2005